Life with a deaf kid

You know your kid is deaf when.....you put them to bed 2 hours ago, lights out. When you decide its time to go to bed you walk by the bathroom door and hear the water running...from 2 hours ago when she brushed her teeth!  This isn't the first time this has happened but usually I catch it. Whew...we dogged a bullet, thank goodness the sink didn't get stopped up. Now...just gear up for the water bill..OUCH. 

PET PEVE! - Dads that 'babysit'

DEAR DADS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD... DON'T BABYSIT YOUR OWN CHILDREN!

     If you are watching your own children and being the primary caregiver for an hour, the night or for the day you are not 'babysitting'! When a man is asked, 'Hey what are you doing tonight'? and he replies, 'I'm babysitting' I want to scream.

So listen up, if they are YOUR children, you are not babysitting! 

     You are: taking care of the kids or being with the kids but you are not 'babysitting' them. Babysitting means a temporary caregiver that is not normally obligated to the children they care for, a temporary responsibility in exchange for monetary gain. Dads, do you consider yourself on the same level as the 16 year old you pay an hourly rate to watch your kids? I sure hope not. Dad's, when you say you are babysitting your children you are really saying...'its really my wife's job and i'm doing her a favor'. 

Yes, the words we use matter!

There are two reasons I despise this incorrect use of language:

#1 It supposes that the woman is 100% responsible for the kids 100% of the time. Both Men and Women are equally, 100% responsible for their children 100% of the time. These responsibilities do look different at different times and depend on the situation. No matter, the above is still true.  

#2 Men, why do you underestimate your importance? You are vital to your children and your time with them is so very precious because often you are around them less than the Mom's are. So, stop babysitting your children and start taking care of them, playing with them and teaching them. That is what you signed up for. 

Note: This post was not inspired by my husband who I feel is an equal partner in raising our children, just for the record :)

Happy Thanksgiving

So, i've been really busy with the kids. As many of you know we have a new kid with us. I am unable to go into really any detail on the blog due to confidentiality agreements. I am not able to even post picts :(. I will have to speak in general terms. He is 14 and deaf. He is placed with us through foster care. He is a really good kid who was blessed through all his suffering with a kind, happy heart. We had originally thought we would adopt him but it seems life has different plans. I still believe everything happens for a reason. He was definitely meant to come into our lives at this time. I would have never foreseen that he wouldn't stay forever. But, like I said life/God has different plans. Better plans actually. There is a family out there that is 100% perfects for him whereas we are about 80% perfect for him. He will probably be with us for a couple more months. I will be able to speak and write more freely about it in the future. All in all it has been a rich learning experience for both Erik and I and the girls. We have had to stretch ourselves outside of our comfort zones go to new places, learn new things. I know that being a Mom is a job, a full-time job but before this experience I don't think I treated it like one. I don't think it felt like one. I have had to be more organized and more diligent. I am so grateful for that because it challenged me to do more and be more. I hope it is a lesson that I hold onto.  

WHATDA!@?*

WOW I REALLY SCREWED UP MY BLOG AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT - MUCH IS MISSING AND NOT ARRANGED RIGHT - ARGHHHH

We have enjoyed watching this beautiful sight outside our back door! They have hatched and have left the nest. While we did love it - the moma bird did not like us anywhere near, it was like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's movie, The Birds every time we stepped out in the back yard.

Come What May & Love It

A missionary  in our ward recently paid our family a big compliment. He said, "Wow you guys are just like the talk by Elder Wirthlin. I had not heard his address at that time. You guys have really 'come what may and love it' when it comes to embracing your deaf daughter" That was truly a compliment coming from someone who had only known us a short time and could see the love we have for her and for her language and life. We are so blessed that God prepared us for Faith which allowed us to be blind to what the world calls a 'disability'. 

OK you can leave now

OK now your really bothering my kids so you can leave NOW flu - thank you very much and don't come back

Easter Party

My camera died just as we began the Easter party this last Saturday. I forgive my camera and I am not mad at it. I like my camera - it has a rechargeable battery which is great cause I hate spending money lately since my friend Jennifer has show me the new brave world of coupons and getting stuff for free or close to it! Our Easter party went great despite the rain in the morning. The kids were all muddy by the time it was done but I don't think they noticed except for a few young girls who..well..uhmm...enjoy their girliness. I will name no names. ;) In total I estimate we had 412 eggs give or take a dozen. The only real  problem we had were the Egglands Best (raw) eggs we used for the egg toss and spoon race that refused to break! It gives me pause to think how they are engineering those chickens these days. The eggs dropped again and again and not so much as crack!! But--nearly everyone won!.. except for the older kids that took it as a personal challenge to break an egg. 

I secretly like the FLU

I want to confess that I secretly like the FLU. While I of course don't wish my children pain the flu happens whether we like it or not. However I DO LIKE the excuse not to have to go anywhere or do anything. I like that they need me like they did when they were babies. I like that they stay on the couch all day and don't make messes. I like that they sleep in. And lastly I like that I got to finish the last book in the Twilight series, New Dawn and my obsession with Twilight can be over. The girls are (hopefully) at the end of their illness but I figure if we have to live through the flu we might as well find some good in it - ya know joy in the journey and all that...until its my turn that is.  

Spring...we are so glad you are here!

This week on the kids spring break we took a trip to visit my parents in Richmond and we went to Maymont, one of my favorite places in the world. Its my favorite because #1-its gorgeous and #2- its free! Can't you just feel the love in this picture?...ok not really...its 45 degrees and they are cold :) it was only for survival purposes. Grace has announced that she "is retiring from taking pictures". Thanks to Nancy for picking great dresses for her wedding last year and to my Mom for sewing them beautifully and large enough so that I could use them again! Thanks to Maymont for planting flowers to match their dresses. 

Finally... Vacation!

We have been postponing a family vacation for so long. We had been preparing emotionally, physically for adoption that we didn't have the means or time to go. So with the recent turn of events we said let's do it...NOW! We booked the 4-Day Disney cruise on last Friday and left on Sunday! We drove down the 13 hours to FL this was only possible because Erik has a gift for long distance driving. I only drove through GA. We have been on a few family vacations mostly involving extended family which means it comes with expectations. So it was time that we take our own vacation. We have now been completely spoiled rotten and feel like there is no other way to go on vacation. Grace and Faith were at a perfect age to enjoy everything around them. The Disney Characters were everywhere and each child was able to take time with them. The princesses are amazing! I can't imagine how much they practice but they were always 110% in character..it was like they stepped out of the movie with every movement of their hands and the words they used. 

This week Faiths favorite princess is Belle, 'the yellow beautiful princess' and Grace's favorite has almost always been Cinderella. We lucked out and someone in the kids club knew sign language. Disney is fabulous working with anyone who  has special needs and they provide interpreters for all events, since we booked the cruise so last minute that we didn't have that - but were really blessed that one of the kids counselors signed. It was the best value for the money for sure since everything is included - even child care for when you want it. The kids loved the 'Oceaneers Club' and wanted to stay there all day. We had to beg them to come to dinner with us! Erik came home and I caught him on the computer looking at cruises for the Fall! The dream is over, back to real life now :)

Keeping Hope in Our Adoption Journey

Our adoption journey has taken a turn down an unexpected road. We felt very inspired about a sibling group that we met. We worked for months to get the ball moving and we were very very close to the finish line (not The finish line rather a finish line then a new start line, if you know what i mean) when we got some difficult information/history.l We have decided for many reasons that the sibling group we were hoping and praying for is not going to be the best match for us. It is so sad and outrageous when you see kids linger in the foster care system. 'Systems'/Governments are just not able to properly manage abused/neglected kids 100% correctly 100% of the time. This is however no excuse that kids cases are not managed properly and in turn the system causes further abuse, risk and damage to these kids. Ultimately, it came down to a question of safety for the children that came to us through birth. I pray for this sibling group that they will find a family who can perfectly meet their needs. This decision was truly unexpected - I cried for days and I still feel sad for it. You can think i'm crazy, I'd take it as a compliment, but I felt, rather feel, a bond with those kids even though they never lived with me. My heart aches for them - I thank God for the gift of his son Jesus Christ and know that someday all wrongs will be made right. We have been on our journey since Oct. although it feels much longer. I feel like I need to maybe take a break, a breather and get refocused. Right now I feel a little lost in the journey. I do have hope through examples of many other adoption pioneers that as journeys go it is par for the course and that there is hope. 

Grace's Baptism - The 3rd Time Really Is a Charm!

WOW! I think neither Erik or I was prepared for our oldest to be baptised!! I literally walked around in disbelief that she was turning 8 - I was sure that we must have forgotten a birthday. I was really thrilled that she was baptized in the same dress I was baptized in at age 8. My Mom is a fantastic seamstress and  In case you didn't come -  Grace was baptised - 3x. In the faith of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints certain prayers and ordinances it is important to do and say 100% right. While I believe that the God considers the intent of our heart and our actions I can also respect the importance of tradition and being consistent in performing ordinances. This was the first time Erik had performed a baptism and Grace is not too enthusiastic about being underwater :) While it was her choice to be baptized at age 8 - her agreement was to baptized 1x so I don't think she knew what she was getting into when it took 3x. After the third and successful time she said to me, 'I don't ever want to do that again'. She quickly felt proud and thought it was neat that she was baptized 3x! Erik felt so awful that it took 3 times to say the prayer right and get all her parts; hair, dress, etc immersed under water completely! 

I had really struggled with Grace getting baptized and the ability of an 8 year old to really comprehend the decision before her. Over weeks of prayer, struggle and reading I came to a conclusion that suited me, Grace is on a journey and no one except Jesus Christ can fully and perfectly comprehend what it means to be baptized. Being baptized at its simplest idea means that we are saying, Jesus, I want to follow - I want to go on a life journey that emulates you. And so, that is what Grace has done. 

(I found this video months after this post and it fits perfectly)

Adoption Update

So far we have been working on this adoption process since October when we began the training classes with United Methodist Family Services (UMFS). We received a referral in November for a sibling group that is in the same county as us! A referral means that the kids social worker is interested in our family adopting this sibling group. Things have moved kinda slow since then but I am confident that this is God's perfect timing as evidenced by our unexpected move! I was so excited when we received this referral since I had already met the oldest sibling of the group at a school picnic for all the deaf kids. He is 13 and deaf. He has two siblings (twins), age 9 a brother and sister. I can't give too much information about them just yet since its a small world around here. But I can tell you that our HOME STUDY IS FINISHED! AND.... this week February 11th they will have an official meeting to discuss making the referral an official match. From there we would be able to read all the kids files and start transitioning them into our home. I am getting really nervous just like anyone else expecting 3 KIDS AT ONE TIME! We are thrilled at this new chapter in our journey! Love you all! Jennifer